...that one of the reasons housewives didn't go crazy en mass in the 50's (contrary to Peyton Place Popular Belief) might have been that there is a certain satisfaction in nurturing your family... now wait a minute feminists. Don't get your panties in a twist but knowing how to run a house, cook, clean, nurture children, work on homework, discipline, celebrate, have fun, vacation, COOK FROM SCRATCH (read: healthy, not fast food), grow your own food, spend time with your neighbors, go to church, serve your community (not that I particularly do those last two things, but I'm just sayin', that's a lot!) takes a lot of knowledge (that is not that easy to get by the way), patience, coordination, focus and dedication. And education, from somewhere. Not unlike a job. Funnily enough.
Look, here is what my goal is: to make sure that my family (particularly my children) feel welcomed, warm and safe in their home. Further I would like what I give to them - i.e. my time, food, attention to also be nourishing and safe.
Here is the thing: If you are stressed at work, stressed in your relationship, too busy to (really) cook then the stuff of you that inputs into your family is, OK, kinda toxic, and not so good for them.
Which brings me to my point. Some time in the 70's the babyboomers' pissed off-ness with their own parents translated into "I'm not going to learn anything that you know about anything and if I believe you were wrong about some things then I necessarily believe that you are wrong about EVER-Y-THING" (Can I just remind everyone that the people now running the world - who supposedly 'saved society' - have sold out for jobs and are now running the world - are babyboomers. Just sayin'. Take from it what you will.)
What we lost on the backs of babyboomer wholesale rejection is knowledge about how to grow food. How to clean a spot out of a sofa. How to take time to enjoy pushing a child on a swing - wait, yes, I know you DO it for 12.5 minutes and then "come on we have to get to lunch" kind of swing, I'm not talking about THAT kind of swinging, I'm talking about - as long as they wish to swing and laugh right along with their thrill of it. And numerous other things I can't even get to yet (and probably family being nearby, don't have that so try to put that out of mind). We can't remember what is in season or how to make bread. Or biscuits, for god's sake the easiest American-edible quick bread there is, biscuits!
We also lost dinner without TV, buying only what you need when you need it, knowing AND socializing with your neighbors and volunteering at your kids' school. This is not to say that the babyboomers didn't have a point (calm down bbs). My grandfather was cold and distant at times and my grandmother ineffectual in the family dynamic. I am grateful that therapy is not looked down upon any longer in most places. That we (mostly) have really stopped being so goddamned judgemental about people's 'lifestyles' (or genetic dispositions depending on your take on science), that we know more about the world because afterall we have only the one and somehow everything everyone does impacts us all. So kudos to bbs for all that (and more I am not remembering, remember, panties, calm down).
But maybe now that we are all fat and sick and paying too much to get well if that is even any longer possible, we might regret giving up a little bit about how to feed, nurture and spend time with our families. And maybe feel 6 hours a day spent on the internet/video games/managing the DVR might be a waste of some, if not all, of that time. I know I do. I hate it when my kids ask me "Is that in season?" and I don't know the answer. To put this in context, my grandfather was a lifelong farmer, born of a ranching/farming family and my uncle a gardener by trade... and I still don't know the answer to that question. It's not like I can hide behind we are 7th generation Detroit natives or something!
And maybe a combination of my mother's generation of exploring the human condition as though it's a valid pursuit alongside a little of requiring only one job to support a family, might have helped me when I get the question from my kids "Mama, why don't you play with us more?"
And I only work part-time... I'm just sayin'.
Final thought: Baby with the bath water. Kinda a key American philosophy.
1 comment:
You know, you ought to visit the San Joaquin Valley some time. I think it is one of the last places in California where it is still ok to be a stay at home mom. I graduated from a high school that had a chapter of the "Future Farmers of America" and the "Future Homemakers of America" (although FHA has been renamed to "Family, Career, and Community Leaders of America" to be more pc). The idea of being a "homemaker" seemed really sexist and foreign to me, but I have a different understanding of it now.
There is nothing wrong with someone staying home to care for their family if they have the financial ability and the desire to do so; because now a days its a real choice and not the only option. This is coming from a latch key kid who grew up on microwave food and had a lot of opportunity to get into a lot of trouble between 2:30pm and 5pm. (And sometimes I did! Although I am not exactly the hellion Patty makes me out to be.) But I do think that, sometimes, having a parent in your life that is consistently there and taking care of really important things like making sure you have adequate nutrition and feel warm and welcomed in your home can be a good thing. And I also think that it doesn't have to be a mom or a dad who who does it.
Don't beat yourself up too much about not knowing what food is in season. I went to an ag school (but studied art) and I live in the heart of the agriculture industry in California and I still don't know what is in season!
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