On Saturday I went to the Memorial service for the husband of a couple I do secretarial work for. He passed about a month ago. His wife, my lovely lady, as I call her charged me with transporting his ashes to the church. When I got there another service was in progress. As I was also carrying a bell, a clipboard with papers, cards and a purse it was cumbersome and heavy and I asked a lady at the door to allow me to just sneak in the back and put it all down and wait quietly.
Turned out it was a baptism for several children. Not being much of a Catholic (I literally just found out earlier in the week that I actually was baptised a Catholic and so am... on some level) I wondered as the realization hit me that this was a celebration of the beginning of life if I really should be there, hovering with the ashes of the deceased... But then I thought, "The memorial of this man's life at the end is just as important as the marking of the beginning of this young lives". It may not be a completely Catholic sentiment and however I would know anyway, but it struck me as inherently true. So there we waited, this man's ashes and I and waited and watched.
As the family and close friends and flowers filtered in for the memorial I thought maybe I should tell someone I had the ashes in the back. But no, I thought, I should do it. (Thank goodness I had on my comfortable shoes at that point and not the heels!) So I picked him up and said to myself and him "Come on Paul, let's put you up on stage". It was a solemn moment and I was honored to do it. Who knew I would be the one to put this man, a lifelong actor, on the last stage he would grace on this earth.
Today was the celebration of my birthday. I got calls from my parents - both of them - on this day, wishing me a happy birthday, for the first time in 39 years. It is a whole new kind of year for me. Reconnecting with my bio-dad has been a tremendous healing and life affirming event. It has put my faith back in the quantum possibilities of the universe. It has reminded me that there needs to be faith in life. It may not always look like it's on your side, but as long as it keeps going it is heading in the right direction.
To celebrate my birthday I wanted to go on a hike with my husband and my kids. Hubby and I always talked about how when we had kids we would go on hikes and that would be our church. So today we went to church and there we saw some beautiful awesome rocks and the greenest palm fronds. Two kids of lizards and plenty of them, a grey squirrel, a chipmunk peeking out of a hole, some wild sunflowers, river reeds and even frogs. And plenty of sky.
Round in one big circle. I've always thought experiences in life were way more important than stuff. That the accumulation of wealth was only valuable to the extent that it enhanced life, not resulted in production of more things. I guess I didn't need to have any wealth at all to experience this weekend.
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